HAPPY!

Weightloss can do wonders – in many ways!

 Here's how I feel right now:

The past six months or so were a tough time both healthwise and on a personal level. A road full of hiccups with some huge disappointments but with a great outcome and important realization in so many ways. No need to look back after all. Life is so much better and positive right now.

But one after another.

I switched to a new medication in June last year. I was on Tadalafil from July 2016 until summer of 2019 but then was put onto Riociguat in June. Honestly speaking I don't notice much of a difference except that I take Riociguat three times a day instead of once with Tadalafil which was of course more convenient.

After a very long time, I had a proper holiday again, travelling to Lisbon/Cascais in September 2019. No words can describe how much I needed and enjoyed that time abroad. Especially meeting my friend Liza again. She's the most amazing, positive and sincere person on earth.

Then in November I went on a special Pulmonary Hypertension rehab in Fallingbostel near Hannover. This was my second PH rehabilitation since being diagnosed but I can say, that the first one in Heidelberg in autumn of 2016 was truly miles better and more effective than this one.

Around Christmas and the turn of the year, I had some health problems which lead to a necessary adjustment in my diuretics, which were too low-dosed until then. With this change everything turned to the better and I am literally a new human being now.

I need to add that I was always overweight and even obese … well I guess for the past 25 years or so.

Of course I knew that every extra kilo was bad for my health and especially when suffering from Pulmonary Hypertension but it is so easy for the physicians to strike out the importance of losing some weight when the only way to reduce it is a diet PLUS additional exercising or worse … a bariatric surgery.

For us PH patients one very important factor is off limits: doing sports or working out.

Every exercise strains the heart and is therefore toxic for our health.

It's hard to make „normal“ or „healthy“ people understand, that even taking a shower or carrying your shopping bag can leave you breathless for quite some time and that you need to recover after such activities.

Before I was diagnosed I weighed around 115 kgs with a height of 164 cm. I know: massive! Then I managed to lose around 17 kgs within the first year, mainly because my heart had to work so much harder against the high pressure in my lung vessels that it burnt extra calories. I know, quite impressive but given the circumstances it was also quite sad.

So with the remaining 98 kgs I was constantly reminded by the 6 different PH physicians in the outpatients department, how important it was for me to lose weight. Because of two reasons –  

1. to release the heart from it's extra work it had to do and  
2. to reach the magic BMI of 30 or smaller in case I needed a lung transplant at some point.

As mentioned, it was easy for them to say stuff like that as they were all sportive looking sticks, except for one doctor who was a bit „chubby“ (in case this particular physician ever reads this, which I highly doubt, PLEASE .... NO OFFENCE!).

So everytime I went to the outpatients department to get a refill for my implanted infusion pump one of the doctors would mention weight loss and/or the obesity outpatients department to get a appointment there.

So when this „chubby“ doctor mentioned it and perceived that he could also do with losing a little bit of weight himself I found this was very emphatic and it was the time when I decided that I would go for it and try to lose some weight.

Unfortunately I only managed to lose around 5 kgs which is quite good but given the road which was still lying in front of me, not enough. I needed to lose around 18 kgs in total and such an amount is most of the time only possible with bariatric surgery – which I really don't want.

So then came the change of diuretics and it did wonders!

I managed to lose quite a lot of kgs because I had additional fluid retention in my feet, legs and stomach.

With these extra kilos gone, I gained so much self confidence and motivation that I decided to go on and show the doctors what I was able to achieve.

I decided to stick to the fluid restriction which was 1,5 liters a day. Before that, I often drank way more than recommended which led to the fluid retention.

Then I went back to eating more regulary and healthy. Cooking fresh vegetables and lean meat. Fish once a week and less sweets, salty snacks or fizzy drinks.

All this lead to another weight loss of 5 extra kilos (adding to the 7 kilos I already lost with adjustment of diuretics).

The best thing is that I am currently holding this weight although I give in to guilty pleasures every now and then. I really don't want to quit all the lovely things. I still want to enjoy life and some things belong to quality of life for me.

Right now I am around 3 kgs away from the necessary BMI.
So YAY to myself and my success!

Of course, this weightloss had a „downside“ as well …. talking about first world's problems, so to speak ;)

Again, I needed new clothes. Pants were 2 sizes too big and also tops/blouses are now 2 – 3 sizes smaller than before. Surely you can still wear some shirts but at some point it just looks silly and completely oversized.

Before having a more convenient size I usually covered myself with often way too big clothes simply because I felt ashamed of my figure and curves. Now, I really gained back such a massive self confidence, it's sickeneing in a funny way.

I reckon some people are probably tired already that I keep going on and on about this topic but just let me try to explain: I feel so damn proud! Especially being able losing all this weight without doing much sports.

I am proud! And I feel good! In two ways.

Some of my PH figures got better so I feel more healthy and less out of breath. And then the aspect of increase of self confidence which also led to general overthinking all that was going on around in the background.

There were things which disappointed me, made me angry and sad but what can I say?! All this doesn't matter anymore, I don't miss a thing and literally give a f*** about it.

It took a while to realise but I came to the assessment that I attached way too much importance to some things, that I made myself conditional to these stuff. Things I am better off without. Well, better late insight than never.

That's why life really has changed for me.

I know this may sound odd but I won back self confidence and am happy with my life and especially weight and body. Something which wasn't the case for a very long time.

And to show you what I mean:
Here's two photos of me

• Top taken in March 2015 during my holiday in Hong Kong, before I was diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension and was at my high with 115 kgs
• Bottom taken in April 2020 with „only“ 84 kgs on the scale, so around 30 kgs lighter.

March 2015 - 115 kgs during my worst time

April 2020 - 84 kgs and only 4 kgs short of my target for now: 80 kgs = BMI 30